I am completely suffering from can't-be-arsed-itis ... otherwise known as Monday! There is definitely some correlation to my not having had a V, but even still. And so I present:
GREAT EXCUSES FOR MONDAY MORNINGS:
* If its all the same to you, I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today
* My stigmata are acting up
* I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up to work. OK
* Constipation has made me a walking timebomb
* I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come into work knowing that employee records now contain false information
* The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled
* The dog ate my car keys. We are going to hitchhike to the vet and give her eternal peace